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What if life just sucks?
That’s what life transition coach Paula Harvey and I talked about in a recent teleseminar. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
Actually, it was! Let’s be realistic, sometimes life is difficult and we really feel beaten down, or we have people in our life who are going through a bad time and find it hard to believe in positive thinking, law of attraction, create your own reality, or everything-happens-just-as-it-should philosophies.
So we talked about what we can do when that happens. What works, what doesn’t.
Paula’s first suggestion was to start by noticing how you feel and what you are thinking. This is the starting point for a couple of reasons:
- When you feel down and out, it’s often too much of a leap to try to change how you think, but most of us are able to at least observe.
- Besides, when you want to change anything, the first step is always to establish your starting point. This is the big red X that says; “You are here” on the map.
The next step is to deepen your observation, to make it more specific. For example, you could ask yourself:
- What have I tried, exactly?
- What has been the connection between my circumstances and my thoughts?
I’ll give you an example to illustrate this last point. It’s rather trivial, but that keeps it simple. I was trying to open this supplement bottle, and it had a child-proof cap.
The first time I tried to open it, I persisted for less than a minute and then left it for later. When I came back to it, I was frustrated in advance, wondering why they make it so hard, thinking the cap was probably defective. Actually, it seemed like it had this everyone-except-for-mechanics-or-engineers-proof cap! It would not budge despite me trying the usual moves.
Then I took a breath, told myself it didn’t make sense for them to make it this hard and that it had to be easy. I tried again, and it opened in one smooth move!
I expected it to be hard and it was. I expected it to be easy and it was. It reminded me that life often lives up to my expectations.
So when life is quite difficult, it might serve us well to observe whether we are bracing ourselves in advance for trouble…and get it on cue.
Paula went on to talk about the tool she uses when she, or one of her clients, temporarily lost hope: Byron Katie’s “The Work”.
And she suggested we do 4 things when we are faced with lost hope:
- Be compassionate
- Listen (or observe, if it’s about yourself)
- Don’t deny or lecture
- Love yourself even when you’re down
You might enjoy listening to the interview; you can find it here.
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Comments
This is great advice! I especially like your emphasis on being where you are, to start. Sometimes that can be such a relief, in and of itself. And to the 4 things Paula suggests that we do, I’d opt for adding a 5th – gratitude!
You are so right. Finding the starting point helps to stop the overwhelm and begin. Thanks for an inspiring post.
Audrey Sussman
Excellent advice on ending overwhelm. I recently started the using The Work and find it very helpful.
I had this happen with my computer the other day – it was misbehaving horribly, and no matter how many reboots I did, nothing changed. As I teach people how to use online technology, it was both frustrating and humorous (and humbling) at the same time.
I did as you wrote, stopped, took a break, changed my thinking, and when I returned to the computer, the solution was right there in front of me.
Thanks for the reminder!
Deb
These are good ways for people to crawl out of a hole. Thanks, Helene!