Unable to make a decision? Find a human mirror
A friend of mine was recently going round and round in her head about what course of action to take. She was quite aware of the logical options and of their pluses and minuses so doing additional research wasn’t going to help. Neither did the old trick of listing the pros and cons on a sheet of paper.
She tried “feeling into” each possibility, imagining herself in each situation to sense which one felt better. That didn’t work either.
I’m sure you remember how uncomfortable that kind of uncertainty is. Sometimes, you end up making any decision just to relieve the tension and that doesn’t always turn out to be a good idea (though granted, it can be better than making no decision).
Anyway, while we were having lunch she talked her options…and knew within minutes exactly what she wanted to do. And, by the way, it turned out fabulously well.
So what happened that made it all so easy?
- There was complete trust in the relationship, which means she was free to be her true self while wasting none of her energy subconsciously protecting her image.
- Vocalizing her options helped clarify them even further.
- It also externalized her energy and got her out of the vicious mental cycle that she was in.
- By telling me about her options, she was better able to place herself in an observer’s role which gave her another perspective.
- I was able to reflect to her what I observed: which option left her more energized, which clouded her voice or facial expressions, which one left her looking powerful and free rather than restricted.
Notice I haven’t even yet touched on the fact that I asked insightful questions (a natural talent further honed through life experience and my training as a Life Coach) and summarized the logical impact of her options (ditto). Or that I have an unusual intuitive ability to hear the unsaid and uncover her true desire, which she then recognizes with relief (“Of course, why didn’t I see that all along?”)
Even if the people in your life aren’t highly intuitive life coaches, you will still really benefit from asking one of them to be your living mirror as they witness your decision-making process. I’ve listed 5 reasons why that is so, but the best proof is in the pudding.
Try it next time and you’ll be amazed.
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It’s good to see a reflection of yourself in another person. And just saying something out loud changes it: makes it smaller and easier to address.