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Respect; the universal motivator

I was co-presenter at a workshop on how to prevent conflict in the workplace, and part of the material was talking about how people have 4 basic motivators; they want:

1. Their authority respected
2. To be recognized for work well-done
3. To feel a sense of belonging
4. Clarity about what’s expected of them

We want all of these, but one will usually be our main motivator which of course can change based on the circumstances. For example, an authoritarian boss wants to feel he belongs with his hockey buddies.

I don’t disagree with this theory, but I was thinking that underneath it all is the basic need to feel valued and respected:

1. Valued enough for our leadership to be acknowledged,
2. Valued enough for people to recognize our accomplishments,
3. Valued enough to be included in their groups,
4. Valued enough for them to take the time to explain themselves clearly.

Being valued is a combination of our two most fundamental needs: love and safety. After all, if I value something or someone, I have positive feelings towards them and will want to “keep them around”.

Acknowledging the basic human need for being valued gives us the key to creating goodwill. It’s really quite simple; show respect and people will respond. It softens the most difficult of situations.

So why don’t we show our respect more? In my opinion, there two main reasons:

1. We fear we will lose some of our power
2. We are just too busy to take the time

The first one has some merit; don’t we see animals deferring to the “alpha” of their group and by showing respect, aren’t we displaying our “beta” status?

What changes things is our ability to think and more importantly, to choose. An internally strong and powerful person isn’t afraid of being the “beta”. She doesn’t doubt her value which gives her the freedom to choose to extend respect to others.

Mutual respect, in turn, allows cooperation and an end to destructive interactions.

The second reason for not showing respect is a by-product of fast-paced living, but one that we must change for our own good. Ironically, the fact that we are so rushed is now forcing us to deliberately practice more awareness for our physical, emotional and mental well-being.

If we let our attention just snowball down the hill of frenzy and overwhelm, we lose our health, our relationships and our quality of life. So for our own sake, we have to stop, notice, and choose how we act.

And you know, showing respect is such an easy thing to do; we all know instinctively how since we know how to do the opposite.

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