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The main reason people don’t leave their jobs to start a business
I would have thought it would be either because they:
- Don’t think they can afford it
- Need the benefits
- Don’t have an idea for a business
- Don’t know what to do
- Are scared to fail
- Are worried about other people’s opinions (their families’, mainly)
Those are all valid reasons. I had the delightful opportunity to interview Valerie Young, an experienced “out-of-the-box” career counselor who has helped thousands of people transition out of employment to self-employment, and I asked her what she found mainly blocked people from making that transition. Here is what she said:
The main thing that blocks people from leaving their jobs and running their own business, is not believing it’s possible to do so.
You might think that this is saying the same thing as “I can’t afford it” and it is in a way, but Valerie is pointing out that it’s the belief that stops people in their tracks, not the actual facts.
Now how she has helped her clients over the years is by brainstorming with them on the various ways they could make money, and that allows her clients to not only check the facts (is it really true they can’t make money?) but also to start believing in the possibility of entrepreneurship on their own terms.
And she is not a proponent of taking unwise risks, making me chuckle when she said; “I call my business “Changing Course”, not “Taking a flying leap”!”
Now
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What if life just sucks?
That’s what life transition coach Paula Harvey and I talked about in a recent teleseminar. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
Actually, it was! Let’s be realistic, sometimes life is difficult and we really feel beaten down, or we have people in our life who are going through a bad time and find it hard to believe in positive thinking, law of attraction, create your own reality, or everything-happens-just-as-it-should philosophies.
So we talked about what we can do when that happens. What works, what doesn’t.
Paula’s first suggestion was to start by noticing how you feel and what you are thinking. This is the starting point for a couple of reasons:
- When you feel down and out, it’s often too much of a leap to try to change how you think, but most of us are able to at least observe.
- Besides, when you want to change anything, the first step is always to establish your starting point. This is the big red X that says; “You are here” on the map.
The next step is to deepen your observation, to make it more specific. For example, you could ask yourself:
- What have I tried, exactly?
- What has been the connection between my circumstances and my thoughts?
I’ll give you an example to illustrate this last point.
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Why would I care about my life purpose if I can’t pay my bills?
In my last post, I talked about why finding your life purpose matters not only for your happiness, but also for your ability to succeed. Shortly after I wrote it, I got a call from a client whose son’s life is in shambles. A day later, I was talking with a friend and fellow coach and the subject came up again; “What if life just sucks?”
In the middle of our conversation, I realized that other people might want to hear our thoughts on this so I’m interviewing Paula Harvey Monday night at 8:30PM ET. (For access to the free teleseminar, provide your name and e-mail address on the top right corner).
That train of thought made me realize that it might be a good idea to add a few more thoughts on the importance of knowing your life purpose even when you’re in survival mode.
Of course, covering your basic needs takes priority, that’s common sense and consistent with our biological imperative.
But here’s the thing, when you remember your life purpose, even a crummy job you take just to make money can become more meaningful.
Let’s say that your purpose involves being on the cutting edge as an innovator, and that you’re taking “temp” office jobs to make some emergency cash. Those jobs will feel a lot less dreary if you put on your innovative hat and are on the lookout for a better way to do things. That might even lead to a better suited job or a business idea.
Here’s another example: what if someone takes the night shift
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Knowing your life purpose; why does it matter?
Not everyone thinks that “finding your life purpose” is important. Instead, they think that it is:
- Too self-absorbed and even self-indulgent
- Not a high priority, especially in difficult times
- A personal growth topic to be pursued at best in your spare time
And I can understand that point of view; I probably would have said something similar in the past. What changed my opinion is that I have personally paid a heavy price for not realizing earlier in my life what my purpose was (see my last post ). If I had known it, I would have been able to:
- Choose work (or a business) that was more consistent with my purpose. Now let me explain something; your life purpose is bigger than your career or your business. That makes sense when you think about it; don’t we all know that there’s more to life than your job? The trick though is to make sure that the work you do for so many hours a day
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Career choices made and regretted…
Wouldn’t it be great to back and relive some of your life with the wisdom you’ve accumulated? One of the things I’d definitely do differently, is get out of the career that didn’t suit me much earlier than I did. (Actually, I probably wouldn’t choose it in the first place.)
I still remember the very first day at work after having graduated with an MBA; I had a sinking feeling that went: “Oh no; this is not where I belong!” Now even in those days of long-term careers with one employer, it wasn’t unusual for recent graduates to bounce around a few times until they settled down. But my “oh no” was deeper than a reaction to the particular company I’d chosen; I was in the wrong field entirely! I didn’t know what else I should have chosen though. And I couldn’t toss out all those years of school down the drain, could I; my parents would freak out and it would be so…irresponsible!
So what did I do?
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Sensitive people can be prone to deep burnouts; what Rue Hass recommends to prevent it
Rue Hass is a well-known intuitive mentor/counsellor/coach and author of: “This Is Where I Stand; The Power And The Gift Of Being Sensitive” and we had a really interesting conversation about sensitive people:
- The special gifts they bring to business
- And the pitfalls they have to avoid
One of those pitfalls is their vulnerability to burnout especially if they are in a helping profession such as healing or coaching. Here’s how they get setup:
They have grown up feeling unsafe from over-exposure and since they are usually caring, they have a need to make the world safer and better for some people.
A sensitive person is also usually highly conscientious, reliable and loyal and finds it hard to let other people down when her attempts to “save the world” fall short, as they inevitably must.
Couple that with a few of the sensitives’ less desirable traits such as perfectionism and wish to please, and you have a perfect storm for burnout.
The way out is to turn away from following idealism and instead turn in the direction of joy and creativity. The burnout candidate must ask himself what would please him and to find that, he must get out of his head and use his body as his spiritual guide and feeling barometer.
You can hear the rest of the conversation by going to this link ; a lot was packed in less than 40 minutes (I always try to keep my teleseminars as short as possible since we’re all so busy).
Denise Wakeman shares some thoughts about being an introvert running a successful online business
For those who don’t know her, Denise Wakeman is a well-respected internet marketing strategist and co-founder of the Blog Squad. She graciously accepted to be interviewed last week on her take on sensitive people having businesses online, and it was a fun conversation.
She had never looked the topic of “sensitive people in business” before but as an introvert, she had a lot of experience to share. (The majority of sensitive people are introverts, though not all introverts are sensitive).
Being online running her own business was a perfect solution for her as it allowed her the independence she craved, time flexibility and shielded her from having to deal with people face-to-face.
When I asked her about the bane of most introverted business owners’ life, marketing, she explained that social media had changed everything for her because she’s most comfortable with the written word and was able to connect with people freely through her blog posts and tweets. It works so well with her that many people that know her through social media may not realize that she’s quite an introvert.
That strategy works so well for her it even removed her discomfort about going to live events. You know how it is when you go to an event and feel nervous about meeting new people, whether you’ll feel out of place of included, etc. Well Denise solved the problem by tweeting ahead of time: “Who’s going to be at XYZ event?” and gets comfortable with some fellow attendees in advance. No concerns about not knowing anyone; brilliant!
The full interview is 30 minutes long and you can find it at: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=9895629
Do you really know how to ground yourself?
In the last post, I gave myself good reasons why I should make it a priority to ground myself. Yours might be slightly different, but being heart-based entrepreneurs, we’re likely to have similar ideas.
There are a number of popular techniques designed to help you ground yourself which you’ve likely heard:
- Visualizing chords connecting the center of the earth with your spine and the bottom of your feet
- Just setting the intention of grounding yourself
- Walking barefoot on the ground
- Sitting against a tree
- Doing a walking meditation
- Walking in nature
Here’s a couple more that you might not have heard as often:
- Imagine spurs coming out of your heels, and visualize them grinding themselves in the soil while you take a sumo wrestler stance. (OK, you don’t have to exaggerate the posture that much, but it’s fun to visualize you doing it. The point is to get our gravity center lower to the ground.)
- Look around you and start counting how many kinds of shapes you can see. For example, the street light is one shape, a leaf is another, the tree trunk a third, the cloud a fourth, and so on. Doing this brings your mind back to the physical world while keeping it happy counting things.
Now when asking you to be more grounded, some people are really talking about wishing that your ideas were more practical. That’s not quite the same as what I’m talking about, though it is often an outcome of grounding yourself.
First, you have to bring your attention back to your body because that is the vehicle through which you experience the world. When your thoughts and your body work together, you have a much better chance of being an entrepreneur that makes good decisions, practical plans, and successful actions.
Being grounded; why bother?
How many times have you heard the advice to “be more grounded”. It’s one of those motherhood statements that you agree with but don’t always remember to implement.
And if you don’t implement something it either means that you haven’t made it a priority or you don’t know how. That’s certainly been the case with me.
So why haven’t I always made it a priority?
- Sometimes it’s because I’ve overwhelmed with so many things on my plate, which is precisely the time when I would benefit the most from grounding myself.
- Sometimes it’s because my monkey mind just forgets how important being grounded is so maybe it would be useful for me (and you) to explore that one a bit.
Grounding, by definition, helps me get out of my head and into my body. It helps me land my ideals into physical reality. It gives me a better perspective on my priorities, on how to get things done. It’s a reality check on whether I really want something or whether it’s meant to remain in fantasy-land.
If I don’t ground myself, I’m much more likely to:
- Not accomplish things because I’m too much in theory, not enough in practical steps
- Deny reality
- Be vulnerable to others’ opinions because I’m not solid in my own
- Be overwhelmed as I’m not sure what’s a priority, and I don’t have a clear picture of what must be done to get to where I want to go
- Not know what I want
- Be indecisive
It’s a paradox; being grounded means paying more attention to my physical world, which sounds more superficial than my deeper thoughts. Yet if I’m not grounded, I’m much more likely to circle around “frothy thoughts” that are not solid enough to allow the creation of what I want (or think I want).
Hum…these are great reasons for an entrepreneur to remember to ground him or herself; practical, having a direct impact on business success, and well, grounded!
Are you feeling or thinking about the feeling?
I’m a practical person and if you’re like me, the first question you might ask is: what does it matter?
For some of us, it matters a lot because it changes how we make decisions. Let’s see if you recognize this pattern:
- You’ve been wanting to decide on something relatively important: your business niche or direction, whether to leave a job, accept a job, where to move, etc.
- You’re frustrated because you can’t seem to make a decision. You made lists of pros and cons, talked it over with others, asked for guidance…and you’re still hesitating
- Even worse, when you’re asked how you feel about it, or what you really want, you’re not sure which frustrates you even more; how can you not know?
The reason you don’t know how you feel about it is that you’re stuck going around in circles in your head. You’re thinking about the feelings which is no where near as accurate as experiencing them.
For some people, that works ok but for me and many others, it means being out of touch with our inner GPS system.
If you’ve been stuck lately, try reviving that inner guidance system first rather than spending time analyzing your options over and over again.
Ask yourself many times a day: what am I feeling and find the answer in your body. Where is it and what are the sensations? If you come up with a mental analysis of the feeling, stop and look again.
After a while, you’ll be reconnected to your feelings on a more primal level without all the rationalizing layers and that will help you identify what you really want and whether one option feels better than another.
Yes, it takes some time, but staying in your head hasn’t worked, has it, so maybe it’s time to try something different.