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One reason “being nice” can get in the way of success: it’s exhausting!
Lately I’ve become quite interested in the topic of “nice” people’s ability to succeed.
A lot of us used to agree that “nice guys finish last”.
In this new relationship economy, we’ve learned that people buy from us if they know, like, and trust us. And that’s good news for the nice club.
But kindness does bring with it some characteristics that can get in the way of success if they’re not managed with awareness. I’d like to give you an example of one of them by relating a story that happened today.
I was taking an aerobics class at the gym and Emma, the instructor, changed our sequence a little abruptly. She then was a little bothered by what she thought was a disapproving look on one of the participants’ face, and said: “Beth, you look disgusted”.
Well, Beth might have had that reaction (she does like predictability), but she denied it, saying she was just trying to figure out an alternative to the move which her knees didn’t allow her to do.
As an observer of human nature, I reflected that Emma was the “nicest” of the instructors and probably the only one who would have been bothered by Beth’s reaction.
Nice people are by definition acutely sensitive to others’ feelings. The downside of that is that they can waste too much energy reading all of the subtle signs of others’ emotions, trying to respond to it, or even to anticipate and prevent unpleasantness.
This is not lack of backbone, by the way. It’s the opposite, taking on too much responsibility for others individually and as a group.
But an absolute pre-requisite of success is a high level of energy, and “soft hearts” deplete themselves by having their antenna constantly out for discomfort that they find distressing, especially if they think they might have caused it. Let alone the energy they spend attempting to smooth feelings and better the situation.
It’s not so much about learning not to care; it’s about energy management through awareness. More about that another day.
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