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I Got What I Wanted; Why Am I Not Happy
That’s what a client of mine once said. She had just gotten divorced under “great” circumstances: it was what she wanted, the children were grown up and on their own so there was no custody issue, and there was plenty of money for both spouses so divorce wasn’t a financial trauma. She finally had the independence she had been craving. And she was lost.
It’s not like she had gone through the anger and sadness of having been ditched and replaced by a younger model or that she missed their life together. She was bright and quite capable of managing on her own. But there is one thing she didn’t have.
You see, though she looked like she had “a life” and quite an active one, she really had never developed a sense of personal purpose. Her purpose was tied to her marriage: she was the prominent wife; that was her identity even when the marriage had cooled off to a point where they didn’t spend much time together.
The good news is that she had the time to explore who she was and what she really wanted, and the resources to act on her findings.
The bad news is that if she tried to fill her life without purpose, she could end up very busy but feeling rather empty without knowing why.
Major life transitions like divorce can be difficult (she was one of the few lucky ones!) but they also are great opportunities to reinvent ourselves or discover who we always were.
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