This summer we’ve had a lot of daddy-long-legs (a type of spider) in the bathroom. Who knows why; maybe there was a nest in the laundry conduits.

I used to have major spider phobia and though I’m no longer as bad, I still find that they give me the creeps and I’d rather not share my indoor space with one.

I found a good way to get rid of them without having to kill them: I give them a ride outside on the bristle end of a broom.

Getting them to climb on the broom hasn’t always been easy. The spiders run for their lives, until they are cornered and then have to walk on the broom.

It’s been taking too long and out of desparation (killing them also gives me the creeps, and I prefer not to kill anyway if I can avoid it), I’ve taken to talking with them lately: “I’m not going to kill you; just get on the broom and you’ll be safe.” And wouldn’t you know it, as soon as I say this, they hop on the bristles!

Hum…a few coincidences in a row.

Well the last couple of times I talked to them before extending the broom out and they didn’t run away but climbed on their ride pronto; a few seconds and we were done!

Wow; serial coincidences!

So why am I taking your time to tell you this?

Maybe the spider behavior is a coincidence that keeps happening, and maybe not. But it most certainly reminds me of the power of stating our intentions and directing goodwill at another person.

Dr. Srikumar Rao, a popular professor at some of the best business schools in the world, gives an exercise to students of his Personal Mastery course, asking them to silently direct goodwill to others as they interact with them during the day.

Many students have reported that this exercise has dramatically changed the quality of their relationships.

Remember, these weren’t new agers, coaches, or energy healers. They were business school students bent on climbing to the top of the establishment ladder.

Wish they had that course when I took my MBA!!

Most of us know that complaining is not the most evolved behavior we could have.

Yet it’s quite tempting to do because it provides some kind of emotional relief; it’s quite addictive actually.

I for one am committed to reforming my ways and refusing to give myself that kind of relief because it sends the wrong message to my subconscious, to the universe, and to people who hear my words.

I see complaining as a misguided creative act.

It’s stating what isn’t working for me, in the vague hope that by doing so, I will create a better situation.

The best I can hope for is to let off some steam and maybe get some sympathy.

The most likely outcome is that I’ll irritate people and dissipate my creative energy without getting any positive outcome.

Sure, I’ll fall off the wagon once in a while and banter about the humidity.

But my intention is to keep my complaint reflex on a short leash.

What are you thoughts about the subject? If you have an opinion or story to share, leave a comment!

It’s not that I was masterful in my actions; it was my attitude. I wasn’t worrying about small things, I was noticing and appreciating the gifts of the day, and didn’t feel the usual time pressure.

What brings on those kinds of days for you?

In my case, it was being grateful that my pet was out of the woods health-wise. First the scare of losing a friend, then happiness at having him back. That’s what put things in perspective this time.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be in gratefulness and appreciation without first being in pain?

What is it about us humans that make us more likely to get personal growth during hard times?

Personally, I’d like to learn without all the pain. The price to pay for that is more discipline around living with awareness.

What do you think; can it be done?

I was at the gym and a few of us were in the locker room getting ready to leave after our aerobics class. One woman was saying how they normally travel to Europe every year but won’t go this year because she didn’t think it was safe. “People are really scared and close to panicking, and there’s too much danger of riot or of being robbed”, she said.

Now I didn’t engage in a discussion about whether her perception was accurate, being quite happy to step away from the energy of that topic.

Yet as I was driving home, I noticed I was experiencing fear; the gut wrenching, I’m afraid for my survival kind.

It didn’t take long did it? I had no logical reason to fear, no thought of it before chatting with her, and here I was, barely able to breathe.

What it taught me is that I must be more aware than ever of my thought and energy management. I know what to do to help prevent me from being “infected” by other people’s fear, yet I DIDN’T DO IT!!

Not really. Sure I avoided engaging in the discussion but didn’t use any of the other tools I know to keep my energy clean, even though I know fear is the most charged of all emotions.

One thing these uncertain times are teaching us, is the need to go through our day with more awareness than ever before. Lesson learned! (I hope )

I was reflecting on it after reading Noah St John’s fantastic book, “The Secret Code of Success”. It’s full of ideas that are really consistent with my philosophy.

Here’s a direct quote from his book:”…you can’t fully perceive your own value, any more than you can see your own eyes.”

Psychologists know that babies learn about themselves through being mirrored by their caregivers. Noah’s point is that almost no caregiver mirrors back in a consistently loving way and as a result, our authentic self is distorted into a negative reflection.

What does that mean to us as entrepreneurs?

We need to ensure that we have supportive mentors (or coaches)  in our lives that can see our capacity and potential and holds us accountable to it. Noah calls these “Safe Havens”, and I think that’s a fabulous name.

What Safe Havens do you have in your professional life?

Those are the words of DJ Boonie, who’s overcome challenges beyond what I’ve had to face.

“If I fall, I fall. It’s just another challenge. I’m gonna fall, that’s just the way it is. You get back up and you learn from your mistakes and you don’t do it again.”

Another quote of DJ’s that will mean more to you when you watch this video.

Now some of those are real addictions and my intention in this post is not to talk about the causes and remedies for addictions. For one thing, I couldn’t even graze the surface of the subject.

Let’s talk about things we do that we could resist if we tried, or at worst might be mild addictions. Some of the behaviors mentioned above might fit, but also others like:

• Spending too much time on administrative tasks when we know out time would be better spent on product development or marketing
• Accumulating a mess of papers on our desks when we know clutter is a drain on our energy
• Spreading negative news or gossip
• Cutting it too close by leaving at the last minute for appointments

And the list goes on and on.

Most of us have heard that fear and the instinct for survival is at the root of most of our automatic behaviors. We could spend countless hours exploring what we are afraid of, and why we do what we do.

But even though that’s the title of my post, I don’t intend to go down that road.

Why? Because I’m more interested in how we can change.

Yes, sometimes, finding the root cause helps us choose otherwise, but often, we don’t need to go there. Not only that, we can get stuck in our story since drama is so interesting, especially when we’re starring in it.

So back to the list: we do these things because they make us feel better in the short term even if they backfire in the long term.

Short term satisfaction or relief of tension even to the detriment of long term well-being. That kind of summarizes what created our environmental and monetary crises, doesn’t it?

How can we stop doing things that we know are bad for us?

Four keys:

• Awareness of what we’re doing (realizing what we are doing)
• Deciding what would be better (knowing what else we should be doing)
• Having another way of releasing the tension otherwise our primal instincts will overrule our decisions
• Having a system to keep us on track to prevent us going back to old habits

Amazing how once again, the answer lies in us harnessing the power of our attention and learning to be present and aware!

So why can’t you, like most people, keep your promise to yourself?

You don’t believe you can do it

After all, you have lots of experience to the contrary; why should it be different this time?

You didn’t really want to do it

If you had, you wouldn’t have waited until January 1st, you would have just done it.

Or maybe part of you really wants to change and another part feels a lot of resistance.

What’s the resistance about?

• You think it’s going to be hard
• You kind of like your bad habits
• And don’t want one more thing to worry about
• Besides, your brain reminds you that you’ve survived the old way so far, haven’t you?

Should you just give up?

Yes…and no.

There’s no point in making resolutions if all it’s going to do is reinforce your record of failures.

But the ability to make changes in your life is necessary to your success and even to your survival. So from that perspective, giving up is not really an option.

One thing you can do to improve your odds

Make sure you really really want what you’re resolving to change, and that you fully explore whatever resistance you might have so you can plan for it.

There’s a lot more to it than that, but it’s a good start. I’ll be giving more tips in my next posts.

After all, we have to first tend to the basics: earning a living or keeping the business afloat.

Doesn’t Maslow’s hierarchy of needs tell us that survival has to be met first, personal growth being only the icing on the cake when everything else is looked after?

Let’s say for the sake of this argument, that we believe that the coming year will be a tough go.

What could bring us pleasure when things are grim?

We won’t get the buzz that we used to find in making the big sale or getting the big promotion. Yes of course, there always was more to life than work, but we spend a lot of time at it and that’s where most people derive their sense of accomplishment.

Where is it going to come from instead?

The biggest achievement of all

Self mastery.

Isn’t that more important than whether we have the corner office? Yet few of us act as if it is. Probably because it’s easier to negotiate deals than it is to build our character and be a more open, more genuine, and deeper person.

You don’t need a hot market to work on self mastery

When things are good, us humans can let ourselves be distracted by all the fast and fancy stuff. If business is a little slow, maybe we’ll find time to observe how we think and act, connect with others in new ways, and listen to our souls.

The bonus

Improving ourselves has the nice side effect of making us more attractive to others, including prospective clients.

So personal growth, instead of being an indulgence in hard times, may just be the best business building strategy we could use.