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Being of Service Has a Dark Side
Are you the sweetheart that friends can always count on?
Do you give 100% and more to your clients?
Then you should be rich in goodwill, a very valuable asset. (Not that you were being helpful and giving for that reason of course),
What if I told you that you might have created some problems as a result of all this giving? Here are a few examples:
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The friendships start feeling less free and easy and neither you nor your friends understand why. But fact is, the relationship has been thrown off balance because of the one-sided giving, It’s like having a one-sided conversation; sooner or later it runs out of steam.
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You start consciously or subconsciously resenting that you receive so much less than you give. Especially if you ask for help one day and no one is willing or able to provide it. So you might flip-flop to a withdrawn, what’s-in-it-for-me position which confuses people and distances them even more.
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Your clients get used to a level of service that’s unsustainable and start taking it for granted. Not only that, as soon as you adjust your offerings to be more in line with reasonable profitability, you create “badwill”.
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More specifically in the internet world everyone gives free content. Spiritual entrepreneurs are especially comfortable with that practice as they want to contribute and help their community. Eventually of course, a business must make sales to survive. But often the spiritual entrepreneur’s list has gotten used to receiving exclusively free content and resents any marketing copy.
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You got so good at scanning for and filling everyone’s needs that you have lost touch with your own. That leaves you feeling disconnected and eventually somewhat fake.
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You’re just plain tired.
So what’s the answer?
Balance and awareness.
Observe your giving and receiving balance and change it if it’s off.. Some of us may need to re-learn how to receive.
Observe your feelings when you give. Are you doing because you really want to, or out of need for acceptance? Intent changes things.
Not only that, but if you don’t really want to be of service, you’ll end up resenting both you and them.
Remember your purpose, your needs and goals when you are considering giving of yourself. If you don’t serve yourself, not only will you create resentment, you won’t have anything left for others anyway.
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Comments
Great post, Helene. I had to find balance once I became aware of how much time I was devoting to outside projects. The joy was gone because I needed some time for myself.
Thank you, Helene – this is such solid, honest, grounding advice. I love your statement: “Intent changes things.” Your clarity is refreshing – and I appreciate your focus on finding balance in the entrepreneurial, as well as the more personal, aspects of our lives!
So true, Helene. We need balance in all aspects of our lives.
You said, “Remember your purpose, your needs and goals when you are considering giving of yourself. If you don’t serve yourself, not only will you create resentment, you won’t have anything left for others anyway.”
And if you don’t take care of yourself, who will do it for you?